Yesterday was the day to take a pregnancy test after the embryo transfer. We were both full of hope. We believed it so much and my wife was so certain that the process was successful. Nevertheless, nature was not on our side this time around. Our first IVF cycle failed. It felt like a cold shower and so much sadness. We didn’t cry but maybe it would have helped us cleanse our souls.
I believe in the power of nature, therefore, I fully accepted the extremely disappointing outcome. My priority has always been to have a healthy child instead of having a one as soon as possible. In my opinion, if the pregnancy fails, it means that something was not quite right for it to continue.
You cannot really find a lot of information on how to best handle the failure of IVF. What I mean is that everyone has to work it out for themselves, which is not an ideal situation. This is an enormous loss for a couple to go through and to be able to process it together. For us, the restoration of the emotional and mental balance will be necessary for the following IVF cycles. This was our first attempt and it would have been wonderful if we succeeded, but we are still young and I believe that next time we will succeed. However, after the 3rd, 4th or more attempts, this may not be so easy to say anymore.
We opened a bottle of wine that evening. Well, we opened two since my wife prefers white and I usually go for red. We tried to take it easy and just be together in this situation. Hugs and cuddles helped us both a lot.
I know that this is not the right time to make any decisions about the future. First, because I feel like I am groping in the dark all the time, and secondly, we will need more time to think wisely about what could be done differently in order to be more successful. Having said that, we agreed that next time we will be more experienced and armed with a lot of knowledge, information, and theoretical and practical experiences.
We are not even sure if we want to continue our fertility treatment at the same clinic. The only certainty for now is that the two of us will continue this journey together because there is a little soul out there waiting to be our baby.
