The day of truth and all of its emotions.
It was finally Day 14 following our embryo transfer. We woke up quite early in the morning to use the pregnancy test that was given to us by the clinic. Every single minute of waiting for the result went by so slowly, and with every minute our anxiousness grew. Our hopes started to fade away and after five minutes of waiting we had to accept the harsh reality: our treatment has failed.
Of course, I had a spare test at home, so we decided to give it another try. However, the second line did not appear this time either. One stripe equals no pregnancy. We felt desperate and frozen. Our emotional roller coaster has been twisting and turning throughout this whole fertility process, but as long as there was hope, it was still bearable. Nevertheless, our hopes and dreams disappeared and this time it was truly over.
This failure was very difficult to accept. I gave it my all. Even though I knew that we had around a 30% chance of success the first time around, I was not at all ready for this outcome. At that moment I just needed some time to process this loss.
I don’t want to be a “strong girl” right now. Based on my previous experiences of dealing and processing loss, I find my peace of mind easier if I linger in my pain for a while and mourn my loss away. I hope that this method will help me deal with the grief of our failed IVF cycle.
Ladies...
We are allowed to cry because we lost a chance of becoming Moms.
We are allowed to be mentally drained because we have been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks.
We are allowed to be physically worn out from all of the medication we had to take.
This moment is not the right time for me to draw any conclusions or make decisions about the future. There are only three things I am sure of right now: me and my husband are strong together, we are going to have a child one day and we have plenty of time and opportunities left to make our dreams come true.
