Christmas time is seen as a magical, exciting and hopeful time, but for those struggling to get pregnant, the festive season can be filled with expectations, triggers and reflection on what they still don’t have.
The festive season is full of family get-togethers (with questions about when you are starting a family), Christmas parties where it is expected you will be drinking, ‘happy family’ pictures all over social media and a narrative that Christmas is about families and children.
In this blog, we'll explore ways you can embrace the holiday spirit while nurturing your emotional well-being. From finding solace in self-care practices to strategies for coping through triggering events, our aim is to help you find joy in the festive season and redefine Christmas time as something to look forward to.
Think about how you can redefine Christmas time as a positive and exciting time with your partner, friends and family.
If you are struggling this Christmas, please be kind to yourself and talk to someone that understands, so you can talk honestly about how you feel and get the support you need.
Be kind to yourself
Firstly, it’s perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions when you are struggling with infertility at Christmas, with so many triggering images, events and conversations, so don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling. Be compassionate with yourself, and think about what you can do to make yourself feel better and happier - what can you organise that will make you smile?
Embrace Self-Care
Amidst the hustle and bustle, take a moment for yourself. Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's a necessity, especially during emotionally charged times. Whether it's a quiet walk, a cozy evening with a good book, or a soothing bath, find the rituals that nurture you and give you time to rest and recharge. Acknowledge your emotions, and give yourself the compassion you deserve.
Plan in time with your partner or friends
Think about what time you have off work over Christmas time, or in the run up to the big day, and plan some activities with your partner or friends that make you feel good and put some joy back into Christmas. You could book a Christmas break, a shopping or spa trip, a trip to a Christmas market or some meals out.
Start new traditions
Think about what new traditions you could start with your partner, your friends and your family - something that you can continue over the years and something to look forward to. You could do a yearly trip to a Christmas market, a Christmas break, Christmas Eve breakfast… This will help to make Christmas time about the memories you make with your friends and partner, rather than it all being about families, and a time to look forward to.
It’s ok to miss events that you will find hard
If you are really dreading a family event because you know there will be lots of children there and family members asking when you will start a family, it's ok to say no, to protect your emotional wellbeing! If you have told your family about what you are going through, you can explain that you find those events difficult at the minute and that you need to look after your emotional well being. If you haven’t told them, you could maybe make up an excuse as to why you can't go, if you would prefer that.
Coping with the ‘When are you starting a family’ question
Unfortunately, at big family gatherings you are always likely to get some (well-meaning) relative asking you this question, and it’s hard to answer when it catches you off guard. Have a think about an answer beforehand so you can answer quickly and move on. You could just say something simple like ‘we’ll let you know when we have news to share’ or 'we're not ready for that just yet' and then just change the subject. Think about the level of detail you want to disclose and what you would feel comfortable saying.
Focus on helping others
Helping other people at Christmas time is a great way to make yourself feel good, keep busy and make a difference to someone else’s life. You could maybe visit someone elderly or lonely over Christmas, make Christmas boxes for the homeless, collect shopping for someone that is less able or help to wrap presents for elderly family members.
If you’re avoiding alcohol over Christmas
Many activities over Christmas involve drinking, and if you are not drinking it can invite unwelcome questions about why you’re not. So, organise activities with friends that aren’t centered around drinking - going out for a meal, going to the cinema, a Christmas craft activity.
If you are at an event where you don’t want to explain that you’re not drinking, there are a few things you can do; there are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives now so can still feel like you are involved, order drinks that you can pretend have alcohol in or confide in a friend you can trust who can pretend to order alcoholic drinks for you (lemonade disguised as gin/vodka etc) or say you’re driving as you have a big family event the next day.
Focus on the things you do have in your life
The end of the year often makes us reflect on what we have achieved this year, and therefore the things we still don’t have. So this Christmas, think about the amazing things you do have in your life. Write a thankful list for all the things in your life that are important and special that you are thankful for - close family, strong relationship, great friends, fulfilling job etc. It doesn’t have to be big things, it is just good to focus on the positive things.
Treat yourself
If you are feeling a bit low in the run up to Christmas and are dreading some of the events, treat yourself to something new to make you smile and feel good about yourself. It could be for a Christmas get together, or just generally for over Christmas time. It doesn’t need to be expensive or a full outfit, it could be new earrings, a Christmas jumper, a new bag or shoes, etc.
Seek Support
Your TTC journey is unique, but it doesn't have to be a solitary one. Connect with others who share similar experiences. Join online communities, support groups, or have a heart-to-heart with a friend who's been there – connect with those who understand your journey. Because when it comes to empathy, the more, the merrier.
We hope that you have found these tips helpful - have a think about how you can redefine Christmas as a time to look forward to and a time that brings you joy. If you would like more support and advice on your IVF journey you can download the Leeaf app for free.
Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
