I know that Christmas time can be really a triggering time when you are struggling to conceive, there is so much focus on children and families, and all the extra pressure can lead to us feeling exhausted and burnt out.
There is an expectation that we will attend family gatherings, which can be equally triggering (questions about when you are going to have a baby, being around other people’s children…) and Christmas parties with work or friends (which can be difficult if you are not drinking).
There are ways you can manage the expectations of this time of year without compromising your emotional wellbeing:
Think about the way you socialise with friends
Organise meet up’s where the focus isn’t on drinking - book meals with friends where the focus is on food, have a day out at a Christmas market, or look for craft events you could do together like wreath making.
Give yourself permission to miss events
It’s ok to say that you can’t make it to certain events to protect your emotional wellbeing. If your family and friends know you are struggling to conceive you can explain that you find those events difficult at the minute. If you haven’t told them, you could make up an excuse as to why you can’t make it, or say you can only come for a short amount of time as you have to be somewhere else (so you limit the time you have to be there).
There are a few ways that you can hide the fact you are not drinking at events:
- Choose non-alcoholic alternatives
- Confide in a friend you can trust who can pretend to order alcoholic drinks for you, for example lemonade disguised as gin/vodka.
- Make up an excuse - for example, say you’re driving as you have a family event the next day, or that you are on antibiotics.
Dealing with the ‘when are you starting a family’ question
Have a think about an answer beforehand so you are not caught out having to think on the spot. You can then reply and move on quickly. Think about the level of detail you want to disclose and what you would feel comfortable saying.
Be kind to yourself at this time of year, there is no pressure to attend anything, if you really can’t face it then you can always say that you’re not well on the day to avoid having to go. Try to organise things that you will enjoy and look forward to, so that you can look forward to the festive season rather than dreading it.
We hope that you have found these tips helpful. If you are looking for more support and advice on your IVF journey you can download the Leeaf app for free.
Wishing you a lovely festive season.
